After bad weather and being unable to field a team, Wheatley 2nds finally kicked off 2014 by welcoming 2nd placed Abingdon IIs to the Holton (Playing) Field of Dreams.

With the first team friendly cancelled, the 2nds could finally pick a team without fear of being pillaged for players and with the initial team sheet containing 19 names, some of the older players were already looking forward to not playing a full 80 for once. However, it soon became apparent that there were barely 15 players in the changing room. Nonetheless, spirits were high as Wheatley looked to win their 6th game in a row (of the games they’ve actually played!) and once Poochie had taped up the boot that actually had the hole in, the team made their way to the pitch. It was soon decided that rather play on the expansive first team pitch, the game would instead take place on the building site across the road. Some say this is because it is the 2nd team’s rightful home, others say it’s because the first team pitch was a tad muddy, whilst the more cynical amongst the team will point to the fact that the second team pitch is smaller, meaning less running for the forwards!

(To be honest I can’t really remember what happened after this so the rest of this report may not be entirely accurate…)

Abingdon kicked off against a stiff breeze and in front of a bumper crowd that consisted of our Team Manager (complete with out of season Christmas jumper), a few Abingdon groupies and a JCB (I think a dog turned up later, which only added to the carnival like atmosphere). Wheatley successfully claimed the kick off and set about their usual work. Solid forward work once again allowed the backs space to manoeuvre, and coupled with a few missed tackles from Abingdon, they were soon wreaking havoc amongst the Abingdon line, with (possibly) Irish Jonny setting the ball down between the posts for Wheatley’s first score. The conversion was successfully slotted over the posts and into the building site behind, prompting a change of ball whilst Gavin proved his worth and shimmied over the fence to retrieve the ball. With the backline containing more steps than young Poochie’s CD collection, a second score was soon added. This time it was (possibly) Adam Muir who marked his return from Injury with his first try of the afternoon.

With Wheatley seeing a lot of the (some say flat) ball, it was inevitable that there would be knock ons and subsequent scrums. After Wheatley’s mauling of Witney in their previous fixture, the front 8 were expecting much of the same at scrum time this time around. Unfortunately their strength did not meet their confidence and they soon found themselves walking backwards, time and time again, with the Abingdon Tighthead leading the charge. Despite this demolishing, the forwards made up for it with textbook precision at the line outs, with Poochie, Jakey and Mike giving Abingdon a schooling in how to disrupt the oppositions throw. The only blemish on this faultless display was down to poor Pooch’s failure to spell the simplest of 4 letter words (That’s Lord Bill’s for you…) and forgetting to lift.

Wheatley’s dominance was soon undermined after a speculative kick from the Abingdon fly half was looking to roll dead before a wicked bounce took the ball away from purple hands and into the opposition’s wingers who flopped over the line to reduce the deficit. This momentary blip was soon forgotten as tries from number 8 James Butler and another from Adam gave Wheatley the bonus point, a comfortable lead and more trips over the fence for Gavin.

Half time came around and despite the almost unassailable lead Wheatley had built up, the necessary “It’s nil nil lads” came out at half time and Wheatley kicked off the 2nd half looking to add to their tally. With the hot stepping fly half Gareth leading the charge and Jack Smith putting his immaculately maintained boot to ball in the most unorthodox ways, Wheatley continued to up the tempo (except at scrum time, still getting demolished there!) and were soon putting more points on the board, with (probably) Irish Jonny crabbing his way through the Abingdon line. With tired legs starting to show, Wheatley were buoyed by sight of Dingle appearing on the touch line who was in process of strapping on his trusty knee support. Unfortunately any illusions of a rest was put to bed after a shoulder injury sidelined Gareth which forced Dingle to come on in his place.

After Scrum Half Ian lashed out at one of the Abingdon Forwards, Dingle sprinted across to join the action, with the team hoping for scenes reminiscent of JPR Williams and the infamous “Call 99”. However rather than Windmilling through half the pack, he broke the fight up and calmed the sides down. It was starting to come clear that although this chap on the sidelines had looked, spoke and even played like Dingle, it was perhaps not the Dingle that Wheatley had previously known and loved. This was later confirmed after breaking through the line and rather than running into the gap to score, he drew in 2 defenders and passed out to the waiting Adam Muir who was as grateful as he was surprised and touched down under the posts for his 4th try that sealed his Man of the Match pint.

After some solid pressure from Abingdon resulted in a line out on the Wheatley 5m line, it was up to Wheatley’s (so far faultless) defensive lineout to secure the ball. A double swipe at the ball (with added Jazz hands) from Jake Durbin managed to secure the scrappiest of ball that landed just in front of Matt, who tipped the ball on and into the onrushing Abingdon Flanker (possibly) who fell over the line unopposed, leaving Matt devastated and a photo of Jake that would secure his place on the sunshine bus.

The game then started to fizzle out, as both sides accepted the result… But wait! Who’s this storming in from 8m out? Is it… Yes! Yes! It’s Captain Pete Ramsdale! Both crowd members were going wild, the dog had stopped licking itself and most of the Wheatley team froze as their collective jaws hit the floor. Would this be the fairy tale ending? 7m out… 6m… He brushes off the first contact…5m…4m… Surely… No! The Abingdon defence remained strong and bought the veteran 2nd rower to his knees an agonizing 3m out. The dream was over, and shortly after, so too was the match. A 41-10 bonus point win against a team that is 2nd in the league and another £16ish in the fine pot (Thanks “that’s a fine” Dingle!) was a great way to start 2014 and another reminder of what can be achieved when Wheatley actually turn up to a game.

The last words have to go to student Will Alistair, who sent a text message long after the game had finished that went along the lines of “Sh*t, thought today was Friday.” I smell a fish….

Possible scorers – Adam x4, Irish Jonny x 2 and Butler
Man Of The Match – Adam “4 Tries” Muir
Dick Of The Day – Referee Butler

Words by Jakey Durbin