Wheatley hosted unbeaten Farnham Royal at the Holton playing fields. However, a light panic arose at 9 when Polly phoned Bruce to see what the conditions were like because it was snowing. All was fine on the pitch as the under soil heating was working. So, Game on.

The game kicked off and Farnham, who obviously use Daz as they decided to wear white, were straight on the attack. Wheatley’s defence was a match for the physicality of Farnham, however, after around 10 minutes of going side to side and with the conditions on the field a miss tackle allowed Farnham to go over the line, which was converted. Farnham lead 7 – 0.

The early score did not deter Wheatley and the homeside started to apply their own pressure, with big tackles and great crash balls. Alex the kid, obviously bored and cold being on the wing decided to get in on the action, tackling the biggest Farnham player. This resulted in his ear hanging off. However, all was not well as Alex’s mum, dad, brother and gran were watching so Alex had to man up, get some electric tape round his face and get back on the field, much to his mum’s disgust!

Wheatley were applying the pressure and retaining the ball from the rucks and were awarded a penalty for their effort, this being kicked by Adam Muir to bring the score to 7 – 3.

The return of Alex seemed to spur the team on with Ted and Tippet smashing all and sundry on the pitch, although Ted has obviously been watching Banton far too much and decided after every tackle to lay on the floor, this resulted in many of Farnham’s studs kindly telling Ted to roll away. With the Wheatley players stepping up to the mark, a break by Tippet allowed Barney to get over the line and score, Muir converted, Wheatley now 10 – 7.

Half time was called and Polly called everyone into the huddle, tactics were discussed, Polly asked Banton to chip in, he did, but in a language no one has heard of, so Shandy ended the talk by telling everyone to man the fuck up!

2nd Half

Kick off and Wheatley were straight in Farnham’s faces and again, big tackles were being made and after 3 successive breakdowns the 10 still deciding not to clear his lines, Wheatley got turn over and decided to play a bit of football before Lewis belly flopping on the ball under the post. Muir kicked again for the extras. Wheatley led 17 – 7.

Farnham came on the attack and again Wheatley match pound for pound what Farnham had in their locker. We aren’t quite sure what happened but we think Farnham scored at this point. We do know that Wheatley scored another, through Nick. But we don’t care about him, so will not elaborate.

At this stage the ref forgot that he had a left arm and from the side lines looked like he was saluting the Farnham team as if they were on parade back in 1939! After some 18 salutes and a sin bin (Gareth deciding that as the ref had not noticed any infringements Farnham had made decided to get his hands in the ruck and drag the ball back to Wheatley. In his defence I’d have done the same) Farnham, with the extra man, went over for 5 but missed the conversion. Wheatley led 24 – 19.

Kick off and Farnham were straight on the attack against Wheatley’s 14. Again the defence, led by two of the smallest, Ted and Tippet held strong. However, with the nature of this type of game, no offense Farnham, handbags were starting to be thrown. The ref watching at one point watching Barnaby get hit, only for the next play to sin bin Lewis for kicking back for being stamped on. Wheatley, again, were back down to 14.

Farnham were camped in Wheatley’s half and didn’t look to be leaving any time soon. The ref again forgot that he had a left arm and was awarding penalties to Farnham left, right and centre. With the defence holding strong with only 14 the ref sin binned another Wheatley player, not sure of who he deemed offside, that person being Banton, which to be fair, he wasn’t, but decided he’d take one for the team and trundle off the pitch.

With 4 minutes to go, which turned into 10, the inevitable happened, Farnham got the try they and conversion they were looking for, much to their delight, Bastards! At the re-start Ted obviously took offence and nailed one last Farnham player before the ref called time with Farnham just edging Wheatley 26 – 24.

A hard fought game, but a losing bonus, considering the conditions and the refereeing was a decent result.