Match Preview

As the saying goes, all things must come to an end and Saturday sees the curtain come down on Wheatley's season as they welcome the team so good they named them twice, Berkshire Shire Hall to the Holton playing fields of dreams.

After a strong 'playoff' period that has seen them beat Chippy (21-19), Harwell (19-18) and the previously unbeaten (Snigger) Littlemore (18-17), Shire Hall have moved up to 3rd in the league, although with an unassailable gap of 14 points to Wheatley in 2nd. History is mainly in the favour of the Purple men, having beaten Shire Hall twice this season, 21-3 on the opening game of the season and then 10-17 in the reverse fixture. But History is just that and underestimating a team that is clearly on the up and in form will be a mistake that Wheatley will leave to others, especially with Shire Hall looking to cement that 3rd place.

With everyone wanting to be a part of the festival of rugby that will be laid on and a mostly fit team, Wheatley have had the pick of players to name a strong side to face the giant topplers.

For the last time this season, our beloved, best of recent memory and anything but disgraced Captain, Alex Acklam will lead the Purple wall out on to the field to lap up the praise, adulation and relief of not being Poochie that the hardcore Wheatley fanbase has to offer. Alongside the captain will be the ever dependent and Vets catalyst, Peter Mitchell at Hooker and having resigned himself to not playing 10 this year, Alex Gabbidon completes the front row, wearing a number higher than his level of satisfaction. Ireland's second finest and owner of Ireland's second biggest chest, Matthew Gibb starts in the second row (Jakers!) alongside still disgraced Former Captain Poochie who is now declared fit after his horrific bee attack (although a further onset cannot be discounted). Starting at 6, Dan Bland will be pretending the Shire Hall 10 is his missus and be all over him like white on rice, whilst the juggler Caillin Taylor will hopefully time his tackles better than the meet time in the number 7 shirt. In what could be his last game in the Purple and thus his last 80 minutes before being shunned from society, Jack Atkinson will start at 8.

Continuing on from his 36 points against Chippy and making Gabbidon late, Jack Taylor manages to get time off from his Gay Times photo-shoots to start at 9, with Josh Hillsdon and his glass ribs starting at 10. Out in the centres, the better of the Hobdells sons, Joe, will wish the number 12 on his back was a 6 or 7, whilst the youngest oldest man ever, Sanda Mpanza, will be missing all of Jordan's tackles at 13. Joe 'apparently called Bub' Taylor will compete for his and Caillin parent's love out on the wing. The walking Coin purse that is Dan Rule starts on the opposite wing, whilst Wheatley's long limbed Lothario, Jordan Hook will be SATB at fullback.

Another bench has been named, with Simon 'Not called Tam for that reason' Chadbone providing the front row cover alongside James Neal, who will already dreaming of a long summer holding small red balls and long shafts. Adam Muir sporting his go faster summer cut, will stretch his long legs when he comes on. Returning from the same but different injury is Aaron Laman, who returns to fulfil the 'Jugs for lads' obligation that comes with being the leading points scorer (baring a masterclass from Jack Taylor).

Presiding over the rabble that is Wheatley will be, as always, coaches Geoff Ward, who used to play for Wasps and has knackered knees in case you didn't know, and Phil Butler who will try to expand his vocabulary from "ON HIS SHOULDER!!".

A special mention should also go to Iain Downer, who on successfully completing his conversion to a proper rugby team, forgot that the saying "what goes on tour stays on tour" does not hold true for ankle breaks and so will miss playing in the last game before he goes to get mugged or underappreciated in the big smoke.

With a dry day forecast, a large crowd is expected to descend on Holton to watch two teams battle it out to finish the season on a high, so make sure you are one of them!